Here we go again
There’s the niggly fear that if we see a property we like next weekend the whole thing will start again. We’ll put in an offer, we’ll get it accepted, and then we’re back in mortgage saga country.
Someone once said (and don’t ask me who) that ‘success is available to those who don’t realise that failure is inevitable’; a slightly depressing take on the whole affair yet probably quite fair. Contemplating, and allowing for, failure means you give up quicker, that you accept the situation, and (while we can’t change everything) don’t try to change anything. Throughout this process I have been at my most happy and most positive when I have just not considered failure an option; and it’s a little frustrating now that the idea of failure is sneaking back into my thought process.
Next Friday we are seeing viewing 3 properties all of which are really exciting for different reasons, and while I am dying to get down there I cannot shake the feeling that we are just starting the whole, painful process all over again. “Of course we’re not” the optimistic part of my head scolds, “it’s different this time – we now know what we’re doing”, “But what…” says the other part, “if we’re just never going to get the money”. It’s actually harder than it initially seems to juggle a job, a social life, a relationship AND two people in my head.
Having talked a lot about the waiting game, and moaned about not being able to do anything to affect the outcome of where we’re at, I now really am a bit stuck as to what to do for the next week or so. Danny and I have searched every site we can find in an attempt to identify more relevant properties, we’ve emailed commercial estate agents and residential ones, we’ve driven (one of) our long suffering mortgage brokers mad, we’ve discussed breakfast menus (again), we’ve listed the pros and cons of the properties we’re going to see, and now I’m trying to update this blog to keep readers interested and engaged when there’s actually nothing to say.
I feel impotent and it’s boringly familiar. Maybe I’m being taught a lesson. Patience.? Tolerance? Determination in the face of adversity? Maybe knowing that we can fail and just doing it anyway is the answer. Maybe, just maybe, there’s no such thing as failure; merely circumstances which we find ourselves in, and then it stands to reason that if there’s an ‘in’ there must be an ‘out’. All this speculation, all this to-ing and fro-ing, friends have described this to me as the ‘paralysis of analysis’.
I guess that my conclusion is “so what if we have to go through it all again?”… after all, no experience is a wasted experience, it informs who we become in the future and what action we take the next time round. All I can hope is that it’s ‘second time lucky’ and not ‘third or fourth time lucky’. François Duc de La Rochefoucauld said…
‘Hope, deceitful as it is, serves at least to lead us to the end of our lives by an agreeable route.’
… and fear is not an agreeable route, the dread, the worry – it’s just not fun and it certainly doesn’t help. So François, we’ll do it your way. I HOPE that this time it will be different.